Innocently Dumb

I am currently working for a particular thing that many people on this planet Earth will never ever have to sweat a tear for in their lifetime. I work for it, because I have been dreaming about possessing it since my childhood. I want it, because I feel at home when I am soaked up in its ambiance and immersed in its idealism. For some, this particular thing that I am after is a byproduct of their privileged birth right, while in my case, it is a costly investment, and a bloody trade off that I have to make a lot of sacrifices for.

The longer that I sacrifice for it, the more that I feel frustrated, being stuck in an in-between world, where no one truly understands my struggles and aspirations. Parents are no longer the most trusted guides, to whom I can turn in times of difficulty. The so called, “friends”, have proven themselves to be just someone, who lives off my generosity, and does not respect the reciprocal nature of a relationship.  I can not help but blame myself for being so innocently dumb at time. Why am I easily opening myself up to others, who clearly do not appreciate me as a friend? Why am I working so hard to be a people pleaser, knowing full well that the outcome of such an action can only hurt me deeply in my core?

Fighting for my passions, while trying to chart a life path has left me feeling exhausted. It has also made me more mature. The hardship that I am going through has helped me gain insight into human complexity and fabrics of life. I wish that I could be sheltered from the harshness of the winter wind and the hotness of the summer sun at times; that being said, if I had that stroke of luck, I would not have then come to understand life at its depth and width.

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