Today is a heavy day. I feel like a true adult today, because life’s ups and downs, hard decisions, and unfairness have genuinely weighed me down and pushed my spirit deep in the rut.
In times of frustration and uneasiness, all of my childhood aspirations and principles that I set for myself can easily be thrown out of the window. I sometimes wonder who cares if I curse? I sometimes wonder who cares if i linger and sink deeper into my sadness? It feels like people around me all have something working for them, why am I being the only one, who seems to have struggled so hard for the one and only goal that I have been holding onto for so long?
Maybe that is what the problem is, the one and only goal. I should have had more goals. I should have diversified my interests so that I could come across as a more sophisticated and more worldly person, sadly, I am not what most people in my life expect me to be.
My eyelids are droopy. My physical strength is escaping me. I feel like lying down on my bed and seek refuge in my dreamland, but my desire to continue this endless and frustrating fight so that I can potentially be given a spot to stay on in this foreign land convinces me to keep my back straight and read my day away.
I feel like a true adult today, because I have sought out a reason to labor my exhaustion till the end.