When we reach a certain age in our young adulthood, many of our parents will start bugging us with the importance of marriage. Some do it in an obvious way, while others can get the same message across in a subtle manner.
In my own case, the message has been quite conflicting. On one hand, my parents tell me all the time that as long as I feel happy and have a stable job, when and to whom I get married are not of their concerns. On the other hand, they use their caring for me as an excuse to nudge me sporadically, expressing their eagerness for me to get this marriage deal done. They would even plan out my personal life for me, like they are the Generals in charge, by giving me demands; such as “Find a partner before thirty.” “Get this big event in your life done before thirty-five!” etc. While listening to their words of “caring”, all I do in my head is asking me ” Am I stupid?” “Am I so dumb that I don’t long for a loving partner if there was one available?” If I wasn’t stupid or dumb, why are they purposely demanding me to take charge of things in life that no one has control of? Sure I can give my best effort to make things happen. But, my personal dedication is not a guaranteed ticket to the realization of a dream, whatever it may be.
Having to rebuild my life from the ground up in a foreign country singlehandedly for over a decade, what I am made to realize, over and over again, is that no humans are privileged with the power to map out how life unfolds for each of us. Although we are self-perceived to be in charge of our life; however, in times, our worldly experiences will make us understand and learn the hard way that being a control freak in life will not help us progress positively; quite the contrary, it causes frustration, stagnation and a feeling of powerlessness. Going with the flow while working hard towards our goals is the ultimate secret in life.
Words of caring, coming from parents are always appreciated. That being said, once it is overdone with the intention of getting the same old message across each and every time, in a subtly manipulative way, a “caring” way of demonstrating parental love can become a nagging, unhealthful stream of imposition that even the most obedient kid can’t stand.
Parents should understand at all time that your kids are not you. The differences between you and your kids imply that you may not always know what is the best for him or her in adulthood. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Marriage can happen at any age in any time. Your kids are already dealing with insurmountable amount of pressures outside of the home. Why are you still putting more weights on your kids’ shoulders?
The best way to show your support to your grown children is to back him or her up in anything he or she decides to do. Take you foot out of your kid’s personal life. Trying to conduct or even dictate your kid’s future, according to your own wishes, can only result in stress and household awkwardness and disharmony.